What are the signs of domestic violence and where can you go to get help?
We have found over time that there is a social aversion to identifying ‘domestic violence’ when in a relationship. Both victims and perpetrators are scared to use the term, as though it will make the experience real rather than opening a doorway to help.
In its most stereotypical form, we will have female clients tell us that what they have experienced is not “bad” enough to be classified as domestic violence, and we will have male clients tell us that they never hit their partner so they have therefore never perpetrated domestic violence. Both accounts are harmful to all parties involved as it prevents everyone seeking the support they need and deserve.
Unfortunately, domestic violence is not just physical violence. It comes in many shapes and forms that many people are unaware of and are suffering from.
The Australian Government in recent years has contributed a significant amount of funding to raising awareness of domestic violence. We see numerous ads on billboards and on the TV showing different acts of domestic violence, with an emphasis on the nuances of how violence can be experienced.
Despite this, there is still a significant gap in the collective common knowledge of what exactly domestic violence is.
What is Domestic Violence?
The Queensland legislation which governs domestic violence in the community, the Domestic and Family Violence Protection Act 2012 (QLD), defines domestic violence as follows:
Domestic violence means behaviour by a person towards another person with whom the first person is in a relevant relationship that –
a) Is physically or sexually abusive; or
b) Is emotionally or psychologically abusive; or
c) Is economically abusive; or
d) Is threatening; or
e) Is coercive; or
f) In any other way controls or dominates the second person and causes the second person to fear for the second’s person’s safety or wellbeing or that of someone else.
This definition can be broken down into two components: a relevant relationship and certain behaviours.
Relevant Relationship
Unfortunately, domestic violence is often perceived within heteronormative stereotypes and thus presumed to only occur between a husband and wife.
Domestic violence, however, encompasses all types of relationships in which there is an intimate personal relationship, a family relationship, or an informal care relationship. This means that domestic violence, by definition, occurs between domestic partners as well as families.
It is important for every person to understand that domestic violence extends beyond the husband and wife stereotypes and exists between mothers and daughters, fathers and sons, siblings, and all other familial relationships. Identifying violence in these relationships can be harder than the stereotype, but is just as important, and so we must be aware to look out for all people in our lives.
Behaviours
To recognise the signs of domestic violence, it is crucial to understand all the forms it can take.
Most people recognise the physical and sexual behaviours of domestic violence, such as causing physical injury, coercion to enter into sexual activities, damaging property, and the physical restraint of a person. The behaviours, however, that go the most unnoticed are the non-physical.
The most prevalent form of domestic violence we see experienced by our clients is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is defined as behaviour that torments, intimidates, harasses or is offensive to another person. Sadly, this behaviour is evident in most of our client’s relationships with ex-partners or family members and goes unreported or dismissed.
Common examples of emotionally abusive behaviour to look out for include:
A person sending you multiple text messages, emails, or making numerous calls to you that are unwarranted;
A person speaking to you in a manner that is derogatory in nature, such as name calling, telling you that you are not good enough or unworthy, that you are a bad parent, or anything nasty in nature;
A person threatening to harm themselves because of you or if you do not do something;
A person threatening to withdraw their care of you or your family (including economically) if you don’t act a certain way;
A person threatening to tell others something private about you; and
Someone hurting or threatening to hurt your family pets.
This list is not exhaustive of the types of behaviour which constitute emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is subjective in nature and the context of a relationship will define what behaviours are classified as abuse. For example, if you and your partner often trade insults with one another, this may not constitute domestic violence as your interaction is not seriously detrimental to either of your wellbeing. If these comments later escalate to a point where one person becomes seriously intimidated or fearful of their safety, those comments would constitute an act of domestic violence.
Help and resources
If you or someone you know is living in a violent relationship, there is help.
There are a number of resources in the local community to support victims of domestic violence and assist perpetrators in rethinking their behaviours.
The Mackay Women’s Service and the Domestic Violence Resource Service in Mackay are great places to start if you have experienced domestic violence. These organisations offer a wealth of resources and support, such as counselling, to help people recognise the impact of what they have been through and how to heal themselves.
Uniting Care offers programs for perpetrators of domestic violence to help them recognise the impact and severity of their behaviour and address the steps to make changes.
Solicitors are also available to contact and discuss on a more formal basis the impact of what has happened and what steps to take next at a legal level for your protection.
If you need urgent assistance for your safety, always contact the police and call 000.
If you would like to know more about the impact of domestic violence on relationships and the options available, please contact our office.